One Final Gift
by Jess13
Summary: After experiencing a tragic loss, Daniel receives comfort and closure from an unexpected source. Sequel to Thanks for the Memories. SD pairing. Chapter 4 now up, Chapter 5 coming soon.
1. Chapter 1

One Final Gift

Author: Jess

Rating: PG-13

Summary: After experiencing a tragic loss, Daniel receives comfort and closure from an unexpected source. Sequel to Thanks for the Memories.

Subjects: Sam/Daniel friendship, pre-romance, angst, hurt/comfort, alternate universe

Warning: Character death

Spoilers: The Enemy Within, Thor's Hammer, Fire and Water, Cor-Ai, The Gamekeeper, Thor's Chariot, Secrets, Holiday, and Forever in a Day. Takes place in Season 2, beginning with the events of Secrets.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters do not belong to me; they are the property of MGM/Showtime/The SciFi Channel/Sony Pictures, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Film Corporation. This story is written solely for entertainment purposes and is not intended for commercial profit. This story is copyrighted July, 2006 and may not be used or altered without the express permission of the author.

Author's Note: This fic is a sequel to Thanks for the Memories, a story I once had up on this site but had to remove since it contained song lyrics. That story is up on my website in the Fanfic section (see "home page" on my profile). This story takes place in an AU where Sha're is killed during Secrets instead of Forever in a Day.

* * *

Chapter 1 

"Dan-yell!" Sha're screamed.

"I'm here!" Daniel answered, raising his voice above the confusion. "And the baby is here; now you have to push!"

"But Dan-yell, the demon will awaken and I will lose you!" she insisted, the pain of childbirth evident in her voice.

"Don't worry, I'm here," Daniel answered, trying to reassure her. Was this all really happening? Daniel had been searching a whole year for his wife, keeping his promise to her father. Now he needed to search no longer, finding her here … and pregnant with Apophis' child.

His first reaction to seeing her was one of complete surprise. It then slowly became colored with fear and anger, as he knew the woman in front of him was not his wife, but the parasite inside of her. He was even more surprised when she spoke to him as his wife, learning that Amaunet was dormant so that the child could be born.

Daniel hoped that they could take her back to Earth, that there would be some way for them to remove the Goa'uld so that they could be together once again. Of course, the last attempt to remove a Goa'uld from a human had been unsuccessful, but Daniel still believed there was hope for her. Perhaps they could even take her to Cimmeria and have Thor's Hammer restore her to her true self.

Those hopes were temporarily dashed when Heru'ur arrived on Abydos just moments ago. Daniel brought Sha're to the caves where they had once hidden themselves from Ra. Daniel reassured her that they were safe and that he would not leave her. He emphasized the latter to Teal'c, who would do all he could to keep the Horus guard away from them.

Sha're threw her head back and cried out as the last contractions took place. Daniel had mixed emotions; he hated to see Sha're in so much pain, but he knew that once she'd given birth, Amaunet would reawaken and Sha're would be lost to him once again.

After one final push, the baby had cleared the birth canal. A smile graced Daniel's face as he looked at the newborn child. "It's a boy," he declared in a somewhat dazed tone. Realizing that it was not his child, but Apophis', the smile faded. "It's a boy," he repeated softly.

Falling back slightly, Sha're gave a weak smile. She and Daniel had tried to have a child on several occasions, but they had never been blessed. The realization that it was Apophis' child caused a sense of sadness to envelope her. She could now feel Amaunet awakening, attempting to regain control. "Forgive me, Dan-yell," she breathed. With a sudden burst of strength, she sat up, her eyes glowing. "Put the child down," Amaunet demanded.

Hearing the Goa'uld's cold, uncaring tone made Daniel's heart ache. Sha're was gone. She'd been taken from him once again. But, there was still hope. If they could just take care of Heru'ur, then they could still bring her back to Earth and find some way of removing Amaunet without killing Sha're.

* * *

Some distance away, Teal'c lie in wait, hoping to ambush a Horus guard. He was determined not to let Heru'ur find Daniel and Sha're, though he knew it was difficult. As the enemy of Apophis, Heru'ur obviously desired to have the child. Thus, if he knew Amaunet was here, he would search until he found her. 

Some movement to his right suddenly caught his eye. He witnessed several of Heru'ur's Jaffa quickly making their way over toward the caves in which Daniel and Sha're were hiding. Ambushing the Horus guard was now the least of his worries as he rushed back to the caves, hoping to stop them.

As the Jaffa came close to the edge of the cave, Teal'c ran up behind them and fired his staff weapon, killing one of them instantly. The other turned, aiming his own staff weapon straight at Teal'c. He fired several shots, all of which Teal'c managed to dodge. The former First Prime of Apophis then took out the Jaffa in the service of Heru'ur with a direct shot to the chest.

* * *

Amaunet's cold eyes bore into those of the stubborn Tau'ri Daniel Jackson. She knew that he loved her host very much, and it pleased her to witness the pain in his eyes, the pain of the realization that her host was lost to him. His pain now appeared to be colored with fear as he looked at her, her newborn child with Apophis cradled in his arms. 

This human was strong. He was a fighter who would not give up easily. Thus, Amaunet knew he would not give in to her demands so readily. What was she going to do with him?

The sounds of battle outside the cave pierced her thoughts and she quickly turned her head toward the commotion. Realizing that Heru'ur was now here, she knew he could not find her or the child. She decided that the best course of action was to kill Daniel so that he would not get in the way of her taking the child and hiding until Apophis arrived.

She turned to face Daniel once again. "Put the child down," she repeated her demand.

"What are you going to do?" Daniel asked, his voice tight but tinged with fear.

"That is none of your concern," she answered defiantly. "If you do not obey me, I will kill you both!" Her eyes glowed once more, emphasizing the threat.

Daniel swallowed hard, his mind racing. He too had heard the battle outside and sensed that Teal'c was nearby. He decided he would set the baby down in a safe place until his friend showed up. Under the menacing gaze of Amaunet, he slowly moved to a corner of the cave and gently placed the baby down.

He held his hands up in front of him, almost in a placating manner, as he moved back toward her. He gazed into Amaunet's eyes again. "Sha're, please," he said simply, trying to reach his possessed wife once again.

Before he could say anything else, Amaunet suddenly reached out and grabbed Daniel by his throat with unbelievable strength, attempting to strangle him to death.

Daniel struggled and gasped for air. In great pain, he managed to cry out. Why was she doing this? He had put the child down as she had ordered him. What good would it do for her to kill him anyway? Despite the fact that his present condition didn't allow for rational thought, that was a stupid question. She was a Goa'uld, and she saw him as nothing. Still, he believed that Sha're was there, somewhere underneath it all. He had learned from the former Goa'uld host Kendra on Cimmeria that something of the host does survive. He hoped that Sha're would somehow be able to get through to Amaunet, even convince her not to harm the man she loved.

Amaunet's grip on Daniel's throat became tighter and he felt his consciousness beginning to slowly ebb away. "Sha're," he managed to get out in a quiet, ragged whisper. It was all for nothing though, as Amaunet was not surrendering any of her control to her host.

* * *

Having made quick work of Heru'ur's Jaffa, Teal'c now decided that he would disguise himself in their armor and demand that Amaunet give the child to him. He bent down and was about to remove one of the Jaffa's armor when he heard a cry from inside the cave. 

_Daniel Jackson. Amaunet must have given birth to the child, and is attempting to kill him._

Teal'c immediately rushed into the cave, finding the Goa'uld with her hand around Daniel's throat. Daniel's struggle for air was weak and he appeared to be almost semi-conscious. Teal'c knew he would have to act quickly, as the great strength Amaunet possessed would allow her to crush Daniel's windpipe. In seconds, he could very well be dead. Not having the time to grab his zat, Teal'c aimed his staff weapon straight at Amaunet and fired.

The Goa'uld was barely able to turn her head in reaction before she was hit. She fell back from the impact of the blast, releasing Daniel. She then collapsed to the ground, let out a quiet sigh, and her eyes dimmed.

Teal'c experienced a mix of emotions upon seeing Amaunet dead. On one hand, he had freed his friend from her death grip. In a way, he'd also freed Sha're from slavery. Nevertheless, he was more than aware that he'd just killed Daniel Jackson's wife. He was a bit concerned as to how Daniel would react, as well as if he would forgive him for killing her. At the moment, however, he was most concerned about his friend's condition.

Daniel lie on the ground, his hand around his throat. He coughed and fought for breath, but at least he was conscious. He was also unaware as to what had just happened. He didn't see or hear Amaunet near him, so he assumed that she'd either left or had been neutralized in some way. Perhaps Teal'c had zatted her once to stun her.

His gaze drifted upward and he found Teal'c kneeling beside him.

"Are you all right, Daniel Jackson?" the Jaffa asked him with a note of concern in his voice.

"Y-yes," Daniel wheezed out.

Teal'c nodded, relief barely visible in his stoic expression. "I am sorry. I had no choice."

Daniel straightened up somewhat and gazed at Teal'c, confused. He was sorry? He had no choice? Sorry for what?

His question was answered when he finally looked past Teal'c and found Sha're's body, lying still on the ground. Putting his own physical discomfort behind him, he scrambled over toward her.

At first, Daniel thought Teal'c had just temporarily knocked her out with a zat. Dread welled up inside him, however, as he witnessed her blank, unseeing eyes. His eyes then drifted down to the large wound in her chest, a staff blast to the heart.

"Sha're," he whispered as he stroked her hair. A great part of him still believed that this had not happened, or, rather, he didn't _want_ to believe it.

Before he became further mired in denial, a sudden thought occurred to him, one that instilled some hint of faith inside of him. "She'll rise again."

Teal'c lifted an eyebrow. "I do not understand. I have shot and killed Sha're. She cannot and will not rise again," he told Daniel.

"But, Teal'c, don't you see? Apophis will find her and-and revive her!" Daniel cried with desperate hope. "She won't stay dead."

"I am sorry, Daniel Jackson, but we cannot let that happen," Teal'c told him regretfully. "Before I arrived here, I had planned to dress in the armor of Heru'ur's Jaffa so that Amaunet would not know that we were the ones who took the child. However, time was of the essence, as the Jaffa were searching for you and Amaunet. I could not let them succeed in locating you. Apophis fathered this child for a reason, and he will search for it. If he revives Amaunet and she tells him that we took the child, it could endanger both the child and Earth. Apophis must not know that we have the baby. He must believe that Heru'ur took it."

A feeling of dread rose inside Daniel. "What are you saying?"

Teal'c looked into Daniel's eyes. "There must be no body for Apophis to find."

Nausea welled up inside Daniel's stomach. "No. Y-you can't do that."

"I am sorry, Daniel Jackson, but I must. Believe me when I say that it grieves me to do so, but the welfare of Earth and all the Tau'ri must be protected."

Teal'c reached for his zat and opened it to the firing position. Daniel gazed up at him, looking a bit lost, and then lowered his head in resignation. Too upset to watch, he turned away before Teal'c used the zat to disintegrate Sha're's body. Teal'c then dressed in the uniform of one of the Horus guards he killed before disintegrating their bodies as well.

After a few moments of complete silence, Daniel turned and looked at the spot that was once occupied by Sha're's body. It was as if she had never been there in the first place, but the painful memory of what he'd just seen informed him otherwise. His gaze then fell upon Teal'c, still dressed as one of the Horus guards. He was watching Daniel with an expression tinged with regret.

Daniel looked upon the man who had just killed his wife. His eyes narrowed and began to flicker with anger. Why did Teal'c have to do this? They could have saved her. Heck, Apophis could have saved her by placing her into a sarcophagus. At least Daniel would be comforted by the fact that she would still be alive and he would have more of a chance of saving her. But, no; Teal'c had to zat her until she was gone … completely gone.

Daniel started to open his mouth but, before he could say anything, the soft cries of Sha're's infant boy pierced the silence between them.

"We must present the child to Kasuf in order to prevent Heru'ur or Apophis from locating it," Teal'c told him.

Daniel's chest rose as he took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Avoiding Teal'c's gaze, he slowly nodded. He now felt numb. Everything had happened so quickly and emotions coursed through him in rapid succession. Grief was one of the first, quickly followed by anger at Teal'c. It ebbed away for the time being when he realized that, not only did they have to do everything in their power to protect the child, they also had to tell Kasuf about Sha're's fate.

Daniel and Teal'c found Kasuf hiding in his tent. He had a scrape on his nose and a slit in his throat, given to him by one of Heru'ur's guards in an attempt to locate Amaunet. His eyes were colored with relief upon the sight of his son-in-law and his comrade. The relief turned into curiosity as he laid eyes upon the infant in Daniel's arms.

Daniel met Kasuf's eyes with worry as they made their way to him. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do, and wasn't sure if he could even attempt it. Kasuf was his family, though, and he knew he deserved that.

"This is your grandson, Good Father," Daniel said, handing the baby to him.

"He is beautiful, yes?" Kasuf smiled.

Daniel returned the smile, though it was slightly sad in nature.

"Where is my daughter? Has the demon reclaimed her?"

Daniel's smile quickly faded and his expression turned to stone. He suddenly felt quite lost. "Yes," he managed to get out.

Kasuf looked at him curiously and then turned to Teal'c.

"She was attempting to kill Daniel Jackson. Her hand was placed around his throat in hopes of strangling him. Had I not acted quickly, he would have been dead. Your daughter is dead, by my hand," Teal'c told him somberly.

Kasuf stared at Teal'c incredulously. He then turned to Daniel. "This is true?"

Daniel's gaze momentarily dropped to the ground and he bit his lip, attempting to retain his composure. He looked back up at Kasuf. "Yes, it is."

Kasuf lowered his head and began to silently grieve for his daughter. His gaze fell upon the baby infant in his arms, his new grandson. He experienced both pain and joy, for his daughter had been taken from this life, but, at the same time, she had given him a grandchild.

"I am sorry," Teal'c said softly. "I must tell you again that I did it only to save the life of Daniel Jackson. Your daughter is now free from the slavery under which Amaunet had placed her. She is at peace. It is my hope that this will bring comfort to you."

Kasuf looked intently at the Jaffa and slowly nodded. "Yes. I only wish for my daughter to be at peace. If she would go on living under the power of the demon, it would be no life for her." He turned to Daniel and put a hand on his shoulder. "Good Son, this is a great loss for us both. But your death would have been equally great. I am thankful that you still stand before me."

Daniel blinked a few tears and gave a half nod as he stared at Kasuf.

"You are meant to go forward and fight against the demons, my son. I know in my heart that my daughter would want you to continue until they are defeated. She was strong."

"That she was, Good Father … and I loved her very much," Daniel replied, trying hard to keep his voice from breaking.

Kasuf gave Daniel a meaningful look and nodded. He then smiled faintly at the younger man and placed another hand on his shoulder before noticing that the child in his arms began to squirm. "I must find a nursing woman," he said softly.

"You must find one you can trust, who will not be afraid of hardship," Teal'c said. "And you must tell Apophis that his enemy Heru'ur has stolen the child away. If he inquires as to Sha're's location, tell him that the same enemy has killed and disintegrated her body with three blasts from a zat'nikatel."

Kasuf nodded in understanding. He made his way back into the tents, leaving Teal'c and Daniel to decide what they had to do to get rid of Heru'ur.

"We must go to the gate room," Teal'c told Daniel. He activated the Horus Guard helmet he was wearing and proceeded to walk toward the pyramid with Daniel.

Once they arrived inside, Teal'c began to push Daniel as if he was his prisoner. Heru'ur stood near the gate, watching them curiously.

"Kel shak, Heru'ur," Teal'c announced. "The serpent guards of Apophis have taken the child."

Heru'ur gave a slight nod, still appearing slightly confused. "Who is this human?" he asked, referring to Daniel.

"My Lord, he claims his people are of the Tau'ri, the enemy of Apophis," Teal'c answered.

Heru'ur directed his gaze at Daniel. "You are among the warriors who defeated Apophis?" he asked incredulously.

Daniel swallowed nervously, but his expression remained stoic. "Yes. The Tau'ri are stronger than you think. An alliance against our common enemy would be to both of our advantages."

Heru'ur snorted in amusement. "You are nothing," he replied haughtily, "And your word means nothing. I will conquer Apophis and then make slaves of the Tau'ri. You will all serve me!"

"Ah, no, I don't think so," Daniel replied.

Heru'ur fixed him with a look of contempt. "Kneel before your god!" he bellowed.

Daniel continued to stare at him and did not act. He felt Teal'c whack him on the back of the legs. "Ah!" he exclaimed, falling to his knees in some pain.

Heru'ur held up his right hand to reveal a ribbon device. Daniel swallowed nervously as the device came to life and Heru'ur prepared to use it on him. He suddenly heard a familiar sound – the Stargate activating – and he silently breathed a small sigh of relief.

Heru'ur withdrew his hand and turned toward the sound. "Apophis comes for the child," he said. Turning to his Horus guards, he proclaimed, "Stand ready!"

Teal'c made his way over to the other Horus guards. As the vortex from the gate shot outward, he shoved the guard next to him into it. He then grabbed his zat and shot one of the other guards. The last one managed to shoot his staff at Teal'c, grazing his shoulder. Teal'c raised his zat and shot the last guard, the impact sending him back against the wall.

Heru'ur's surprise grew into frustration as he watched this all take place. He activated his personal shield as he prepared for Apophis to come through the gate. However, he was about to get another surprise. The gate did not bring forth Apophis; rather, it brought forth two more members of the Tau'ri, Colonel Jack O'Neill and Captain Samantha Carter.

The two humans appeared surprised by what they found when they stepped onto the planet. They had undoubtedly arrived to assist Daniel Jackson and the rogue member of Heru'ur's Horus guard in battle against Heru'ur. The son of Ra and Hathor would have none of it. "Tau'ri, kree!" he exclaimed, holding up his ribbon device.

Jack and Sam ran for cover as the device activated, joining the Horus guard who was yet to be revealed as Teal'c. Daniel attempted to shove Heru'ur, but was struck by him and fell to the ground. Sam reached out and zatted the two Horus guards, disintegrating them.

Jack stepped a bit closer to Heru'ur, firing his weapon at the Goa'uld but unable to penetrate the personal shield. Heru'ur watched in amusement as the gunfire ricocheted off the shield. "You dare to challenge me?" he asked Jack smugly.

Jack gazed at him seriously. "Was giving it some thought," he said lightly. He pulled out a knife and, aiming for the Goa'uld's hand, flung it through the shield.

The knife landed a direct hit and pierced Heru'ur's hand. It also pierced the ribbon device, causing it to spark. "You will pay for this insolence!" he cried out in pain.

"That's getting to sound really clichéd now," Jack remarked.

The transport rings were activated and they took Heru'ur back up onto his ship. Once he was gone, Sam and Jack made their way up to Daniel. Teal'c deactivated his helmet and joined him.

"So, uh … someone care to explain to me what just happened?" Jack asked.

Daniel merely stared at him. So much had just happened. There was so much he could say, but he found himself unable to say it.

"We arrived here and found Sha're pregnant with Apophis' child," Teal'c spoke up. "She was about to give birth when Heru'ur arrived. Daniel Jackson hid with her in a cave and delivered the child. I tried to keep Heru'ur's Jaffa from locating them."

He was about to say more, but was interrupted when Kasuf hurried into the gate room and made his way up to them. "Colonel O'Neill," he exclaimed. "You have defeated Heru'ur?"

"We neutralized him," Jack replied. "He escaped back onto his ship, but he's gone."

"He also believes that Apophis' serpent guards have taken the child," Teal'c added.

"I see," Kasuf nodded. He lowered his head slightly. "It is a sad day for us all."

"Beg your pardon?" Jack asked, clearly not understanding.

"My daughter is dead," Kasuf continued somberly. "The demon reclaimed her once she gave birth to the child."

"Oh, God," Sam uttered.

"She was attempting to kill Daniel Jackson. Had I not acted, he would be dead. I killed her and then disintegrated her body so Apophis could not locate her and revive her. I did it only with the welfare of Earth and the Tau'ri in mind."

Jack met his eyes with understanding. He knew there was more to this, but Teal'c would tell him once they arrived back on Earth. "So, where is the kid?" he asked.

"He is hidden away with a nursing woman," Kasuf told him. "Make no mistake, it is a sad day, but my daughter is now free of the demon. I am thankful for this."

Sam gazed sympathetically at Daniel, knowing that there had to be a hundred different emotions racing inside him after all he'd been through. Right now, though, she was just relieved that he was okay, especially after Amaunet had tried to kill him.

"We should probably get out of here," Jack piped up. Almost on cue, the Stargate started dialing up.

"Apophis," Daniel and Teal'c said in unison.

"What?" Jack shot back incredulously.

"We must find cover," Teal'c said. With that, everyone hid except for Kasuf, who had to tell Apophis what had happened to the child. SG-1 was in a position to cover him if necessary.

Serpent guards, followed by Apophis and several more Jaffa emerged from the Stargate. Apophis' gaze flew around the gate room and he appeared confused, as if he expected his queen Amaunet to be here waiting for him.

He then located Kasuf and strode purposefully up to the old Abydonian leader. Kasuf reluctantly got down on his knees.

"My Lord Apophis," he greeted the Goa'uld. "You have come for Amaunet and the child."

Apophis nodded, appearing confused. "I have."

"I witnessed one of the Horus guards of Heru'ur with the baby, but I did not know what became of it," Kasuf said humbly.

A small spark of anger seemed to flare up in Apophis' eyes as he considered this. "What of Amaunet?" he asked, turning back to Kasuf.

"She and my daughter are dead, My Lord. The Jaffa who took the child killed her."

"Where is her body?" Apophis demanded.

"Gone. He fired upon her three times with the weapon that shoots lightning from it, and her body vanished as if it never was," Kasuf answered.

Apophis' eyes glowed as his anger seemed to reach critical mass. "Jaffa!" he yelled to his serpent guards. He directed one of them to dial the gate. Once a wormhole was established, they disappeared back through the event horizon. Watching this take place, SG-1 could only assume that Apophis was about to engage in a battle royal against Heru'ur.

As soon as the wormhole disengaged and the gate shut down, they emerged from their hiding places. Daniel stood and stared at the Stargate, appearing dazed. He almost didn't notice Jack coming up to him and putting his hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," Jack said, causing Daniel to finally turn his head and gaze at the older man. Jack noticed how lost Daniel look, and he could not blame him. So much had happened to his friend today. He found his long lost wife back where she belonged, pregnant with a Goa'uld's child. The snake in her head then tried to kill him, and Teal'c had no choice but to end her life. On top of that, he had to deal with Heru'ur as well. Jack knew that Daniel had been through quite a lot ever since he was first recruited for the Stargate program, but this had to be the worst.

God, Daniel looked awful. He looked like a lost little boy who had become separated from his family. It made Jack remember how Daniel had relived his parents' tragic death when they were on the Keeper's planet several months back. And now he was experiencing another tragic loss.

Jack shot a quick glance at Sam. "Carter, dial us home," he said.

Sam nodded and, as she headed for the DHD, she gazed sympathetically at Daniel once more. Once the wormhole had been established, Jack turned to his friend and said, "Come on, Danny, we're going home."

Daniel nodded almost helplessly and then tried to muster some strength as Kasuf once again made his way up to them. He placed an encouraging hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Good son, though I know it will be hard for us, it is important that we have a ceremony of passing for my daughter. We must weigh her heart against the feather."

"Yes, of course, Good Father," Daniel replied. "What you say is true. I will be here whenever you tell me to come." He turned and glanced at the rest of his team. "We will all be here."

Kasuf nodded, his expression becoming thoughtful. He decided on a timeframe that would be sufficient for Daniel to adjust and prepare for the ritual, as well as for he himself to make his own preparations. "We will perform the ceremony in four days' time, yes?"

Daniel gazed solemnly at his father-in-law and nodded, worrying his lip once again. "Yes," he told Kasuf quietly. He then turned toward the Stargate and watched as Sam disappeared through the event horizon with Teal'c behind her.

Jack nearly missed the angry glare Daniel had directed at the Jaffa before he passed through. He drew in a deep breath. Even though he knew Teal'chad donethe right thing, he realized therewere going to be some rocky days ahead for his team. He just hoped they could weather it.


	2. Chapter 2

Note: for anyone wondering, this story will eventually become S/D. In fact, there will be more in the next chapter. Daniel just needs to get past his grief over losing Sha're right now. But I promise there will be more S/D to come later on!

* * *

Chapter 2

"So, you're saying that, when you first encountered Dr. Jackson's wife, she wasn't under the Goa'uld's control?"

"That is correct," Teal'c replied. "Sha're informed us that Amaunet lay dormant while she was with child. If the Goa'uld awakened, the child would not have survived."

General Hammond nodded, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully as he listened to Teal'c recount the events of their ordeal. Also present at the debriefing were Jack and Sam. Daniel was in the infirmary for observation, Hammond having decided that the archaeologist's presence was not required after all he'd been through, both physically and emotionally.

"Sha're went into labor as Heru'ur's Jaffa drew near," the Jaffa continued. "Daniel Jackson hid with her inside the caves while I did my best to keep the Horus Guard away from them. Once he had delivered Sha're's baby, Amaunet awoke and attempted to kill Daniel Jackson. I had subdued the Jaffa that tried to enter the caves when I heard a cry. Amaunet had her hands on Daniel Jackson's throat, and he appeared to be losing consciousness. I had to act quickly, and so I fired upon her with my staff weapon. If I had waited any longer, he would have been dead. I could not allow this to happen."

Jack and Sam gazed at Teal'c, their eyes colored with understanding and sympathy. Hammond nodded once again. "You did the right thing, Teal'c. Doctor Jackson's death would have been a tremendous loss to us all."

Sam momentarily shut her eyes and shuddered slightly, not wanting to ever again entertain the possibility of Daniel dying. She was briefly reminded of the horror she experienced a year ago when they were led to believe he had died on Oannes.

Teal'c bowed his head and paused before continuing his account of what had taken place on Abydos before Jack and Sam arrived. Jack then filled in what he and Sam encountered, how they had tried to take out Heru'ur, and the details of Apophis' arrival and quick departure.

"… So, the kid is with Kasuf now, and Ol' Snakehead thinks that Heru'ur took him," Jack finished.

"I assume Kasuf will be going into hiding immediately, then," Hammond surmised.

"He'll be lying low," Jack confirmed. "Although, he does expect us to be at the funeral."

Hammond furrowed his brow in confusion. "Funeral?"

"For Sha're," Sam said. "He told Daniel they would make the preparations for the ceremony and burial in four days."

"But there isn't a body to bury," Hammond told her, still slightly confused.

"Well, I would assume that they will bury something of importance to Sha're instead, like one of her favorite possessions."

Jack looked at her blankly.

"Daniel once told me about Ancient Egyptian burial rituals, Sir," Sam told him quietly.

"Ah," Jack responded, nodding.

"It will be a symbolic ritual, one that will offer closure to both Kasuf and Daniel Jackson," Teal'c concurred.

"You said it will take place four days from now?" Hammond asked Sam.

"Yes, Sir."

The General paused thoughtfully. "All right. I believe it's important to Doctor Jackson that we all attend. Until then, I'm putting you on stand down. I'm also going to suggest to Doctor Jackson that he take some time off, go home and get some rest. He undoubtedly needs it after what he's been subjected to on this mission, and I'm sure Doctor Fraiser agrees."

On that note, Hammond rose from his seat and made his way out of the briefing room. The remaining members of SG-1 joined him as he headed for the infirmary.

Once they arrived, they found Daniel dressed in his black t-shirt and green BDU pants, sitting on the edge of one of the beds. Sam couldn't help but notice how lost Daniel appeared as he stared off into space.

"Daniel?" she said softly.

The archaeologist met her eyes for a split second before he appeared to zone out again.

"Doctor Jackson, how are you feeling?" General Hammond asked.

Daniel's gaze flew to the older man's mildly concerned expression. "With all due respect, Sir, that's a pretty loaded question," he said, sounding emotionless.

"I meant physically, son," Hammond clarified, his eyes filled with sympathy.

"Tired," Daniel answered simply.

"Despite the fact that he was being choked to death, there's no sign of major swelling of his throat," Janet began as she joined them. "Aside from a few contusions and bruises, he's fine. However, he's just been through a very traumatic experience, and he's also exhibiting a fair amount of exhaustion."

"I take it I have to stay in here a while longer," Daniel muttered, misery in his voice.

Janet turned to him. "No. Since your throat isn't swollen and your tests have all come back normal, I don't see any reason to keep you in here. In fact, I recommend that you go home and get some rest."

"I was just about to request that he take some time off, Doctor," Hammond addressed her. "SG-1 isn't due for any missions for a while, so I've put them on stand down. Doctor Jackson, take two weeks vacation." He turned to Janet and she nodded in agreement.

Daniel blinked. "Two weeks? I … thank you, Sir. But, the funeral is in four days. I promised Kasuf I would be there." He felt the lump in his throat return after the word "funeral."

"Yes, son, and we will all be attending," Hammond replied.

Daniel blinked once again in surprise. He turned to Doctor Fraiser.

"I don't see any reason why you shouldn't attend the funeral, Daniel. You should be rested enough by then, and you'll still have more time to rest afterwards," she said gently.

Daniel looked at her thoughtfully and then nodded. "Thanks," he said very quietly.

The petite doctor smiled faintly and patted him on the shoulder before heading for her office. General Hammond gazed at Daniel one last time before he began to make his way out of the infirmary. Jack turned to him and nodded.

The only ones now left in the room with Daniel were his teammates. Teal'c, who had been mostly hidden from sight the whole time, suddenly appeared on the other side of Jack, gazing at Daniel with a hint of concern.

Daniel suddenly focused his gaze on Teal'c. His eyes narrowed and he glared severely at the Jaffa. "You," he said pointedly.

Jack raised his eyebrows at Daniel, thinking that the younger man was referring to him. He then turned and noticed Teal'c by his side, and realized his error.

"You shot her with a staff," Daniel continued accusingly.

Teal'c bowed his head slightly. "Indeed I did," he intoned.

"You could have just shot her once with a zat. Then she would have just been unconscious, and I would've at least had a chance to save her. You stole that chance away from me, Teal'c."

"I did not have the time to grab my zat'nikatel, Daniel Jackson. If I had not acted in a matter of mere seconds, you would be dead," Teal'c replied.

"I don't believe you," Daniel said stubbornly, looking away.

"I speak only the truth. I could not let Amaunet succeed in killing you. You are my friend. I am sorry that Sha're is dead, but I am not sorry that I acted to save your life. Had I been faced with this choice again, I would have done the same."

Teal'c looked down at Daniel, hoping to reach him. That hope was dashed when Daniel returned his gaze to the Jaffa and his severe glare was still present.

"I must go and perform Kel'no'reem," Teal'c said in defeat. Jack glanced at him and patted him on the shoulder before Teal'c made his way out of the infirmary. Once he was gone, the Colonel stepped a bit closer to Daniel.

"Teal'c did the right thing, Daniel," he said.

"Sure, whatever, Jack," the younger man sighed in defeat, turning away from his friend.

"Hey," Jack spoke up, attempting to get Daniel to turn around and listen. "You know he had no other choice."

"I could have gotten through to her," Daniel muttered.

"How??" Jack said incredulously. "She was trying to kill you, for cryin' out loud!"

"Sha're was not trying to kill me," Daniel returned, his voice becoming slightly uneven.

"Yeah, I know, Sha're wasn't trying to kill you … but the snake in her head was a different story," Jack shot back. "How would you have gotten through to her if you were being strangled to death?"

Realizing that he didn't have anything to support his argument, and that it didn't make sense in the first place, Daniel lowered his head and sighed. He knew deep down that Jack was right. Still, he believed that Teal'c could have just taken out Sha're with one zat blast. At least she would still be alive. They would have to cage her once Amaunet woke up, but then they could take her to Cimmeria where a new Thor's Hammer sat waiting. Then, she and Daniel could be together again at long last.

Daniel sighed again, realizing that these things were no longer possible. Sha're was dead, and there was nothing he could do to bring her back. He lifted his head and brushed a stubborn lock of hair from his eyes. His gaze returned to Jack and he noticed the exasperation had left the older man's eyes; it had been replaced with quiet concern.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, Jack," Daniel said softly. "But I just want to be left alone right now. I need to get some things ready before I head home."

Jack looked at him for moment and then nodded. "Yeah, okay." He reached out and patted Daniel's shoulder, then slowly made his way out of the infirmary, stopping to look at the archaeologist once more before heading out the door.

Daniel turned and watched Jack leave before dropping his gaze to his hands.

Sam tentatively took a few steps toward him. "Um, you want me to leave, too?" she asked.

Daniel looked up at her for a moment and then barely shook his head. "No," he said softly.

Sam was slightly confused at first by his reply, but was comforted by the fact that he didn't seem to want her to leave. She walked up to him and then leaned up against the corner of the bed so that she was next to him.

Turning, Daniel picked up his olive drab BDU jacket and removed something from one of the pockets. He held up a ballpoint pen with a barrel that appeared as if it had once been black, but was now weathered to a dark gray. "You know what this is?" he asked Sam.

Sam blinked as she looked at the object Daniel held up in front of her. "A pen," she returned.

"That year I was on Abydos, I did a lot of writing in my journal. Much of it was done with this pen," Daniel continued, a wistful tone to his voice.

Sam glanced at him and nodded.

"Sha're caught me writing with it one evening. She asked me what it was, what it was used for. She had never seen anything like it before, and it intrigued her. She thought it was magic." A small, fond smile appeared on his lips. It quickly faded and he bit his lip to retain his composure. "The simplest, most mundane things were like magic to her, even my glasses." He removed his glasses and held them in front of her. "She asked me why I needed them, and I explained that I needed them to see, to aid me in my learning about her culture and people … and to see her beautiful face."

Sam gazed at Daniel sadly as his voice broke and his eyes stung with unshed tears. She softly laid her hand on his shoulder and he flinched ever so slightly, not expecting the touch. He directed his attention back to the glasses and continued, "She thought she would have a little fun with these, and she'd end up stealing them from me whenever I wasn't wearing them. She'd giggle at me as I blindly pursued her, begging her to give them back. I'd tell her that I needed them to look upon her face and kiss her, to remind her how much I loved her …"

Daniel lost his composure once again and lowered his head as the tears streamed down his cheeks. Sam bit her lip in order to keep from crying herself, knowing the truth depth of her dear friend's pain and feeling nothing but utmost sympathy for him. She edged closer to him and touched his shoulder again. "Daniel, it's okay to grieve for her," she said in an uneven voice. "You loved her. It's important that we grieve for those we love." She bit her lip again, reminded of the fact that her father had just revealed that he had cancer. She wasn't about to tell Daniel, though. The last thing she wanted to do was to burden him more.

She pulled back slightly and gazed into his eyes. "And anytime you need a shoulder to cry on, I promise I'll be here. You are my best friend, and I want you to know that you can always come to me and talk about anything. I'll be here for you, and I'll help get you through this, okay?"

Daniel met her gaze and found deep sincerity and the love only a best friend could offer. He and Sam had a beautiful friendship and, even though his grief seemed to be overshadowing almost everything now, he knew he could count on her. "Thank you," he said, his nearly emotionless tone belying his appreciativeness. He then hopped off the bed and took a few steps toward the infirmary doors. "I guess I'll get a few things together and prepare to go home."

Sam watched as he neared the door. "Daniel?" she called out.

He turned and looked at her curiously.

"I hope you'll be okay. If you need anything, just call, okay?"

Daniel tried to manage a slight smile, but it didn't quite make it onto his face. "I will, Sam." He then turned and disappeared out the door.

Sam gazed at the now empty doorway. Her mind was weighed down with sorrow and empathy for Daniel, and she wished she could do more to comfort him. In the end, she realized it was best to let him have time to himself to grieve for Sha're and sort through his emotions.

"Okay," she said in barely a whisper, even though Daniel was long gone from sight.

* * *

Two days later, Sam found herself in front of Daniel's apartment door with a bag of chocolate walnut cookies, his favorite. She hadn't seen Daniel since he left the infirmary, and she wondered how he was doing. She really hoped that he was okay. Hopefully the company and the cookies would help cheer him up. 

She waited several minutes and then knocked again. There was no answer. Sam shoved her left hand into the pocket of her light jacket and shivered slightly. It was a pretty chilly day for late May in Colorado Springs. She checked her watch and realized it was close to 9 AM. She began to wonder if Daniel was still asleep; perhaps she should come back later.

She was about to turn around when the door slowly opened to reveal Daniel, dressed in a cream-colored sweater that Sam had never seen before and a pair of khakis. Daniel's eyes instantly met hers. "Sam," he said quietly.

Blushing faintly, Sam lowered her head. "I …" she began awkwardly. She looked back up at him and continued, "I brought you some of these cookies that you love so much."

Daniel's eyes drifted down to the bag in her hand, which she offered to him. "Thank you," he said, accepting it from her with a faint, shy smile.

Sam returned the smile for a moment and then nervously cleared her throat. "Uh … can I come in?"

Gazing at her, Daniel found concern in her deep blue-gray eyes. "Sure," he nodded.

Sam smiled as Daniel stepped aside to allow her entrance. As she entered the apartment, she frowned. Most of the shades had been drawn, leaving the place quite dark and a bit chilly.

Daniel caught her look and blushed faintly. "Oh, I suppose I should get some light in here, huh?" He drew up the shades on his windows, and then made his way to the balcony doors where he drew the curtains back. The added light succeeded in making the place look more hospitable.

"Better?" he asked Sam.

A little smile appeared on her lips and she nodded. Daniel sat on his recliner and Sam made herself comfortable on the couch. After a couple of minutes of awkward silence, she looked down at her hands and cleared her throat. "Um … so," she began.

Daniel looked at her expectantly.

"How are you doing?" she asked, almost worried about what the answer would be.

Daniel gave a small shrug. "I'm fine," he said rather nonchalantly.

Sam regarded him dubiously. Granted, it was Daniel's third day of leave, and he must have grieved enough by himself, but she thought he was masking his emotions. "Are you sure?" She didn't want to pry to the point of making him feel uncomfortable, but she didn't think it was good for him to keep his feelings bottled up.

"Yes, Sam, I'm sure," he insisted quietly. "This time off has done me some good. Yes, I'm still grieving for Sha're. I still wish in my heart of hearts that this had not happened. But I also know that I have to come to terms with it. There's nothing I can do to change those events."

Daniel was doing a remarkable job of keeping his emotions under control, although Sam had witnessed him biting his lip slightly. She rose from the couch and made her way beside him, bending down to lay a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Daniel swept his hair away from his eyes and lifted his head to look at Sam. He gave her a small, grateful smile. To see Daniel attempting to smile behind all his pain made Sam's heart ache.

She gave him a small, sad smile in return and then awkwardly looked away. The objects covering his fireplace mantle caught her eye. "You have a lot of interesting things there," she remarked, gesturing toward them in hope of changing the subject.

"Oh, ah … yeah," Daniel said, directing his attention to them. Sam followed him as he he rose from the couch and slowly made his way in that direction. Before they reached the fireplace, he stopped and turned to her, a small, teasing grin on his face. "Since when have you become interested in my boring old artifacts, Sam?" he asked lightly.

Sam blushed faintly, not quite expecting his comment. "Come on, Daniel. I'm not like Colonel O'Neill, zoning out or cutting you off while you explain the significance of something. And, I don't consider them 'rocks,' either," she joked, one side of her mouth lifted in a grin. "I might not share the same depth of interest in them, but they interest me nonetheless. After knowing each other for a year and a half, I thought you knew that."

Daniel briefly ducked his head in embarrassment. When he looked back up at Sam, he found that her grin had eased into a smile. He gave her a somewhat sheepish smile in return. "Sorry," he said quietly. With that, he continued over to the mantle, stopping to look at her once more. "Are you sure I didn't show you these before?"

Sam gazed at the artifacts, none of which looked familiar to her. "No, I don't think you did," she shook her head.

Daniel proceeded to the first piece on his mantle, a clay cone with cuneiform symbols on it. It was quite similar to one of the artifacts he'd found on P3R-233 before the incident with the quantum mirror. There were slight differences in the two artifacts, however, and Daniel began to translate the writing as best as he could for Sam.

As he moved on to the other artifacts, he described each in detail, especially the history behind them. Sam listened attentively with a hint of a fond smile. Daniel's passion wasn't up to the level it normally was when he told her or Jack or Teal'c of such an object's significance, but it was very close. The fact that he seemed to be in a better frame of mind pleased her.

"And this is a bowl from Ancient Egypt," he told her, picking up a fairly large, ceramic artifact with an intricate pattern etched into the surface. "This type of bowl was used mostly in food preparation, such as grinding flour. Actually, it's quite similar to a bowl I used on Abydos when I was grinding the yufeta flour. Sha're and all the kids were laughing at me because husbands weren't usually supposed to do that particular chore, and …"

Daniel trailed off and became silent, and Sam instantly knew it was because he had mentioned Sha're. He had brought up one of his happiest memories of her, apparent from the wistful smile that had begun to appear on his face. It quickly faded and he remained silent for a few moments.

Sam laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?" she asked.

He turned to her and nodded, forcing a tiny smile. He then shook his head slightly, as if to shrug himself out of it and quickly moved on to the last few artifacts he had to show Sam. She was a bit surprised by how quickly he recovered, and she felt like saying something to Daniel, but she decided it was best if she backed off and didn't push him.

After he finished showing her his collection, they sat in the living room for a short while and talked. Sam briefly mentioned what happened while she and Jack were in Washington. She was careful not to talk too much about her father and the fact that he had been diagnosed with cancer, as she didn't want to heap any more emotional burden onto Daniel, especially with the risk of breaking down in front of him.

Before long, Daniel commented that he was feeling quite tired and was thinking of taking a short nap before lunchtime. Sam wondered if her presence was bothering him, if he was withdrawing from everyone due to his grief. She did notice that he looked quite tired, though, as if he'd gone through quite a few sleepless nights. That certainly was not out of the question.

She offered to get some lunch for both of them while he napped, but he declined, thanking her. He also thanked her for the visit. After expressing hope that he would be okay and asking him to give her a call if he wanted to talk, Sam left Daniel's apartment.

* * *

Even though he hadn't gotten much sleep since Sha're died, Daniel did manage to take a nap – actually it was more like a siesta, as he managed to sleep through lunchtime. When he finally woke up, it was a quarter to four in the afternoon. His stomach protested loudly and, after securing his glasses on his face, he hauled himself up off his bed and headed toward the kitchen where he made himself a sandwich. 

He had just put the last bit in his mouth when there was a knock at the door. He took a gulp of water to wash down the last of his sandwich and then left the kitchen.

When he opened the door, he found Jack on the other side, holding a six-pack of beer.

"Hey," Jack greeted him.

Daniel looked at him for a moment. "Hey," he responded quietly.

Jack looked curiously at Daniel. "New sweater?" he asked.

Daniel briefly looked down at his sweater and then back up at Jack. "No."

Jack nodded, his gaze still on the article of clothing. "Could I borrow it?" he asked.

Daniel regarded him incredulously for a moment. "No," he repeated.

Jack gave a small, awkward shrug. "Well, I thought I'd just come by and see how you were doing."

Daniel nodded before noticing the six-pack in Jack's right hand.

"Oh yeah, I snagged a few brews to bring with me," the Colonel said.

A small, playful smile tugged at Daniel's lips. "Gee, that's very thoughtful of you, Jack, especially considering that you're well aware of my tolerance to alcohol," he said facetiously.

"They're not all for you," Jack said somewhat defensively as he made his way inside the archaeologist's apartment.

Daniel nodded. "Of course," he muttered quietly, still with a hint of smile on his face as Jack walked past him into the kitchen.

Jack removed two bottles of beer and put the rest in Daniel's refrigerator. He held one up to Daniel, who declined, shaking his head. They sat in Daniel's living room, Jack on the recliner and Daniel on the couch.

"So," Jack began, twisting the cap off the bottle and taking a small swig of beer. "How are you doing?"

"Oh, fine," Daniel said casually.

Jack appeared somewhat dubious. "Are you sure?"

Daniel nodded. "Yes, I am," he said quietly.

"Daniel, you just lost your wife. There's no way you can be 'fine.'"

Daniel started to grow testy. "Jack, please, I…" He cut himself off and began again in a calmer tone of voice. "I know you're concerned, but, really, I'm fine. As I told Sam, I am still grieving for Sha're. I loved her very much, and I wish with all my heart that this didn't happen, but there's no way I can change it. I have to be strong. I have to accept it and move on with my life."

Jack looked at him thoughtfully. Masking one's emotions was something with which Jack himself was quite familiar. If Daniel was masking his grief, he was doing a really good job of it. The younger man's sincerity was making it hard for him to believe that he was doing such a thing, though.

"So, I guess you're trying to keep busy?" Jack asked.

Daniel shrugged. "I guess so. I brought back some of the collection of artifacts that has been cluttering up my office. I've been sorting through them."

"Ah, more rocks," Jack began with a hint of a grin.

Daniel gave him a mock deadly glare. "Don't start on that, Jack," he said.

"Okay, okay … sorry." Jack held his hands up in surrender, earning a half smile from Daniel.

"I guess you've been pretty busy, too," Daniel told him.

"As busy as I can be on stand down," Jack said. "I'm slogging through my report on what happened while Carter and I were in D.C. Wouldn't you know it, we'd sprung a leak."

Daniel's brows drew together, his lips pursed. "What?"

"This guy – reporter – approached me in a bar and started spouting off all this stuff about the Stargate. I denied everything of course, but he didn't believe me."

"How would he have known about the Stargate?"

"Someone with knowledge of the program had to have blabbed to him; probably someone like Kinsey or one of his sycophants. I told Hammond about it when I got back to the reception. I saw the guy again and he kept talking about what a great story it would make." Jack's expression darkened somewhat. "He didn't get a chance, though. He was hit by a car and killed right there on the spot."

Daniel was speechless for a few moments, leading Jack to continue, "We had to have the medal ceremony back at the base. The General told me it was an accident. I don't think I can buy that."

Daniel slowly shook his head and then eyed Jack seriously. "I can't think about what would happen if the knowledge about the Stargate was made public, but I'd never want anyone to die for it."

Jack quietly sighed and nodded. "Believe me; I hate it as much as you do. I wish it didn't have to happen, and it probably wouldn't have if the goon responsible had kept his mouth shut. But can you imagine what would happen if everyone found out about it? People aren't ready to know about the Stargate Program, Daniel."

Daniel's gaze dropped briefly to his hands. "I know," he said softly.

* * *

Jack and Daniel shared mostly small talk for the rest of the Colonel's visit, succeeding in keeping both their minds off of what was troubling them the most. Daniel still would not talk much about what had happened to Sha're, and, for the most part, he acted as if nothing was really bothering him. Jack noticed, but he didn't want to push so he left the archaeologist be and discussed otherwise boring issues like current events and the weather. 

Shortly before dinner, Jack left. He offered to get take out for the two of them, but Daniel told him he wanted to eat dinner alone this evening. Jack reluctantly obliged, making a crack that he hoped Daniel had something in his house to eat besides coffee. Daniel assured him he would be fine.

That evening, Daniel made himself a microwave TV dinner and watched a Travel Channel documentary on the mysteries of Egypt. He scowled at the TV set a few times, as the presenter had made some blatant errors regarding funerary rituals during the Pre-Dynastic period.

Once the show had ended, he switched off the television and made his way into the bedroom. He flopped down onto the bed and removed his glasses. Staring up at the ceiling, his eyes stung with tears and he began to cry silently.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The funeral and burial for Sha're was a somber, though poignant, occasion. Daniel was dressed in beige Abydonian robes and wore sunglasses that served two purposes – to shield him from the strong sunlight and to hide the eyes worn by grief. Present at the ceremony were Jack, Sam, General Hammond, and Doctor Fraiser, all in their dress blues. They stood to his right, listening intently to his short but solemn eulogy. Kasuf was next to Daniel, his head bowed in mourning for his daughter.

Daniel managed to make it through his tribute and then honored Abydonian beliefs by kneeling before the scales of justice to speak in his wife's stead. Her heart was weighed against the feather and pronounced free of sin. He then stood and removed a small brooch from the folds of his robes. It was made from a large colorful stone he'd found and carved in the image of a lotus flower for her. He'd told her it represented their unfolding and unending love. Sha're had treasured it and worn it often.

His fingers caressed the cold weight in his hand. One of the few times she hadn't worn it was the day she was taken by Apophis. She'd been doing laundry when he'd summoned her, telling her they had visitors – Jack and the others who'd been sent to investigate the attack on Earth. Later that day, when he'd returned to their rooms needing a few moments of peace to deal with everything that had happened, he'd found it. For a moment, it had been almost as if she hadn't been taken; as if the room was holding its breath just waiting for her return. The basket of fresh laundry waited to be hung to dry beside the table where her hairbrush rested. Beside the hairbrush was the brooch. The desire and need to find her was born in that moment, quickly overcoming the grief he'd been wrestling with and firing his soul with purpose. He swore he would find her and bring her home. And he would pin the brooch back on her robes where it belonged.

Bending now, he placed it on the burial sheet beside the small funerary statuette that represented her body, amidst the other gifts and food offerings meant to go with her into the afterlife. Standing once more, he watched in silent pain as the whole was lowered into the grave and the ground cloth was pulled up to bury it with sand. Kasuf lifted his hands to offer the final prayer for his daughter's passing.

Once the ceremony drew to a close, Daniel spoke to Kasuf and bade him farewell. Before they headed back to the pyramid and the gate, he exchanged glances with his friends. Although they remained silent, nothing but utmost sympathy was reflected in their gazes.

Daniel went home as soon as they returned to Earth. He had a lot of thinking to do...

_My wife is out there, General. I need to go._

The search for Sha're had always been the driving force behind his presence on SG-1. Now... he wasn't sure he belonged there anymore. Yes, he'd miss the thrill of discovering new cultures and civilizations, but the hope that had once driven him forward was gone. He'd found Sha're. Sha're was dead. Stepping through the gate again would serve no purpose beyond reminding him of just how badly he'd failed her.

Two days later, Daniel sat in front of his laptop. He'd given the situation serious thought and arrived at only one solution. Hitting the appropriate key and waiting for the two pages to print, he lifted his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose where a headache was starting to pound. He briefly turned toward the window and noticed it had started to rain. Turning back to the printer as it finished, he quickly scanned the sheets spit forth with a critical eye. Dissatisfied, he crumpled them up and aimed at the wastebasket. They missed but he didn't care. His headache was a good enough excuse for not bending down to dispose of them.

His frustration was reaching its breaking point when the doorbell suddenly rang. He sighed and clutched angrily at his hair, wondering who would be bothering him on this incredibly dreary morning. Returning his attention to the laptop, he closed the lid, sending the computer into sleep mode before he rose from his chair and headed for the door.

Looking through the peephole, he was a bit surprised to see Sam on the other side. Undoing the chain, he opened the door to find her offering a tentative smile. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," Daniel replied a bit too quickly.

Sam looked at him curiously for a moment. "Um, I just came by to see how you were doing. Can I come in?"

"Oh, ah … sure," Daniel said distractedly.

Sam cocked her head to the side as he failed to step aside. Something was obviously bothering him. "Did I come at a bad time?" she suggested.

Daniel blinked and snapped his attention back to her. "Oh, no, not at all," he insisted quietly. He gave her an apologetic smile. "I could use the company."

Sam smiled back. Stepping aside, he closed the door behind her before leading her into the living room.

"Wait here," he suggested. "I'll make us some coffee." With a gesture to make herself at home, he headed for the kitchen. It probably wasn't the best idea for him to be having coffee with the headache he had, but Sam looked like she could use it. It was rather ugly out and she probably needed it to warm up.

* * *

Once Daniel disappeared, Sam smiled and moved to the couch. It hadn't been quite two days since the funeral, but she'd started to miss him. Judging from the smile he'd given her, he seemed to be in good spirits - which she was glad to see. He did seem a bit preoccupied, but perhaps he was just deep in thought over the funeral and his loss.

She frowned as she realized the gum she'd been chewing had lost its flavor. Deciding to get rid of it, she spit it out into a tissue from her pocket and headed over to the wastebasket near Daniel's computer. She was about to toss it in the wastebasket when she noticed the two crumpled balls of paper on the floor. Bending, she picked them up to throw them away as well when something on one of them caught her eye. Straightening the sheet in her hand, she scanned it quickly and stared at it in shock, feeling a knot suddenly form in the pit of her stomach. The second sheet proved to be an earlier draft.

Hearing Daniel return from the kitchen, she turned to regard him in disbelief and held the wrinkled paper up in accusation. "Resign?" she asked bluntly.

Daniel's cheeks flushed. "You weren't supposed to see that."

"I found it when I was throwing out my gum."

He nodded acceptance of her explanation and, looking altogether too grim, moved to put their coffees down on the coffee table. She watched him silently, knowing from his body language the letter was more than a mere moment of insanity. 

"You're serious," she realized.

He closed his eyes and sighed, sinking down on the couch before looking up at her again. "I didn't mean for you to find out this way."

She shook her head in denial. "Why?" she asked obliquely, moving to stand beside him but finding she couldn't bring herself to join him on the couch. She just couldn't believe this was happening!

Daniel sighed and briefly looked down at his hands. "I found my wife. She's gone. There's no reason for me to keep going through the 'gate," he said quietly.

Sam bit her lip and forced herself to sit down beside him, taking one of his hands in hers. "I won't pretend to know what you're going through, Daniel. I can't imagine how much losing your wife must hurt, but ... are you sure you're not letting your grief make this decision for you?"

He lifted his head but didn't look at her. There was a grim determination on his face she didn't like at all.

"You still have some vacation time left," she offered hurriedly, almost desperately. "Why don't you spend some more time thinking about--?"

"--Sam." Daniel held up a hand to interrupt and finally turned to face her again. There was pain in his eyes as he shook his head. "I've spent enough time thinking about it. My goal was to find Sha're and bring her home. I did. I'm done. There's no point in me staying."

Sam felt her heart actually begin to hurt. That was the only reason he was working for the SGC? "Yes, Daniel, I know, but what about the fight against the Goa'uld? What about all the new cultures we've encountered and the new friends we've made? What about--" The words suddenly stuck in her throat and she looked away, unable to continue.

Daniel looked at her curiously. "What about what, Sam?" he asked softly.

Sam lifted her gaze to meet his concerned eyes. She had almost said, 'What about us?' but she couldn't bring herself to say it. Since the incident almost a year ago in which Daniel suffered flashbacks of Hathor's visit, Sam's relationship with him had blossomed into something beyond friendship. It wasn't exactly romantic, but it was as if they had a deeper connection somewhere underneath it all. The fact that he was so insistent upon leaving made her wonder if these feelings were one-sided. She never felt the need to question this before.

"Nothing," she finally replied, lowering her head. "Daniel, I know this is your decision to make. I can't force you to do anything. But I really want you to reconsider."

Daniel's expression turned even more regretful and Sam knew he was only going to repeat the same words he'd said earlier. "At least think about it," she pleaded. "Things would be too different without you. We need you there, Daniel." She suddenly dropped her voice. "_I _need you." She gave his hand a slight squeeze before letting it go.

Daniel's gaze dropped to the wrinkled pages still lying on the coffee table beside their untouched cups of coffee. He stared at them for several moments before turning back to Sam and locking eyes with her. She wasn't sure what he saw there but hoped he could see how much the thought of his leaving was hurting her. She didn't try to hide it.

His eyes darted down to the letter again and he sighed. He turned back to her once again and nodded. "Okay," he said quietly. "I'll think about it."

Sam moved to hug him, but stopped herself and in the end just laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"So... do you need any groceries or anything?" He lifted a brow in surprise and she shrugged. "I somehow doubt you've felt like shopping in the last few days..."

He offered a small reassuring smile. "Thanks, but I'm fine."

She nodded, accepting his words at face value. "Okay, well... I guess I should go. I still have a report I need to finish." She rolled her eyes as she moved to stand and hoped he didn't notice the slight waver in her voice. She really needed to reign in her emotions before she made a fool of herself here.

Daniel nodded silently and watched as she rose from the couch and made her way to the door. He followed at a distance and stood to one side, meeting her gaze one more time.

"So," Sam began awkwardly.

Daniel merely stared at her for a few moments and then returned her comforting gesture, laying his hand on her shoulder. His mouth barely twitched upward into something vaguely resembling a smile. "I'll think about it," he assured her.

Sam nodded. "Good. Well, um, I'll catch you later I guess." 

She wasn't really surprised when Daniel stepped close and pulled her into a hug. "Thanks," he whispered as she returned his embrace with a gentle squeeze of her own. They both stepped back and regarded each other in understanding and friendship. With a nod of silent support, Sam turned and made her way back down to her car and the rain-swept afternoon that awaited her.

* * *

Jack sighed as he folded his arms and leaned back against wall of the elevator. It was a good thing the SGC commissary didn't keep to a regular schedule like most base cafeterias did. The hours he sometimes put in here made eating at regular intervals a problematic endeavor at best. He hoped they weren't serving tacos today. The last time had given him gas. Frowning, he turned his thoughts back to the conversation he'd just had with Hammond. He'd wanted to talk to him about the reporter in D.C. again but had gotten nowhere.

He scrubbed a hand through his hair and then looked down at his watch. 1600 hours? It felt like he'd been here an eternity, even though he'd come in after lunch.

_Finally_, he intoned inwardly as the elevator doors slid open. He stepped out and made his way down the corridor. He hadn't gotten far when he saw Sam heading towards him. "Hey, Carter," he greeted her. His smile faded as he caught the troubled look on her face. "What's the matter?" he asked.

Sam swallowed and her gaze dropped to the floor. "Sir, Daniel wants to resign."

Jack's eyes widened. "What?" he asked quietly.

"I stopped by his apartment this morning to check up on him. He was writing a letter of resignation. I asked him to reconsider but … he told me he'd think about it."

Her tone was quiet, but Jack could tell she was upset. "For crying out loud," he said. "I know he's grieving, but he can't do this."

Sam nodded. "Are you going to talk to him?"

"Damn right I am," Jack replied firmly. "I'll get this straightened out. Leave it to me."

With a decisive nod, he continued walking down the corridor, leaving Sam to hope he could get through to the archaeologist.

* * *

Jack knocked firmly on Daniel's door and then stepped back to lean against the corridor's wall. Folding his arms and crossing his ankles he frowned as he waited for the other man to open up. He wasn't expecting Daniel to be happy to see him. He'd quickly figure out exactly why Jack was there, but Jack had already checked to make sure his car was still in the parking lot so pretending not to be home wouldn't work.

"Open up, Daniel," he called lazily after a long minute when he was sure the other man had identified him through the peephole. "I'm not going anywhere until you do." Daniel could be stubborn, but Jack's picture was in the dictionary beside the word.

Jack didn't know how long he waited outside Daniel's apartment before the door finally opened.

"Jack..." Daniel greeted the man with a frown and cocked a questioning eyebrow at him.

Jack straightened up and looked at Daniel intently. "We need to talk."

Daniel nodded wordlessly and opened the door further to allow Jack entrance. Jack brushed past him and made his way to the living room without being invited. The place was spotless; a definite warning sign. Given the emotional turmoil he suspected Daniel was going through, he'd be happier if the place was a mess. Turning to make sure the younger man had followed him, Jack waved Daniel to sit down in one of his own chairs before he himself sank onto the couch. He winced as his knee offered a definite protest. "Damn weather," he muttered. "Don't ever tear up your knees, Danny. The weather plays havoc on the joints."

Daniel folded his arms and frowned down at the floor. "Why are you here, Jack?" he asked bluntly, despite the fact that he'd probably figured it out before he opened the door.

He answered Daniel's questioning look with one of determination. "Carter tells me that you're thinking about resigning."

Daniel looked grim for a split second. He nodded. "That's right. I know what you're going to say, Jack, and Sam already asked me to reconsider."

"And?"

"And I'm considering it."

_Great, he's considering reconsidering …oh, for crying out -- _Jack felt a headache coming on. Daniel had played with words like this before, but the fact that he hadn't reconsidered made Jack feel worse. He shut his eyes and sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "All right, look … First of all, even if you went through with this, you know Hammond won't accept it."

One corner of Daniel's mouth twitched upward in disbelief. "Ah, I fail to understand why, Jack. I'm not military and it's a free country … last I checked, anyway."

"Okay, technically you're right: Hammond can't stop you. That doesn't mean he won't try; any more than I or Carter or Teal'c won't try." Jack saw a quick flash of anger in Daniel's eyes when he mentioned the Jaffa, but simply continued, "You mean too much to the Program, Daniel. We can't afford to lose you."

"The Stargate Program will go on without me, Jack," Daniel answered softly, shaking his head. "As I told Sam, Sha're is gone. I'm done. I have no further purpose."

"'No further purpose??" Jack shot back. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Not only are you our diplomatic front each time we step through the 'gate and meet the locals, but you've helped save our butts on more than one occasion. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have thwarted a Goa'uld attack on Earth and kicked the crap out of Apophis."

Daniel fixed him with a hard, mildly accusatory expression.

"Yeah, I know; I'm sorry I didn't believe you at first," Jack said ruefully. "But you convinced me to trust you; to ignore a direct order and face almost certain court-martial to stop an attack no one else thought was going to happen."

Daniel looked at Jack thoughtfully.

"Let's face it, Daniel. If it wasn't for you, this planet would be nothing but a heap of smoldering ruins right now, and any survivors would be nothing more than Goa'uld slaves. Earth wouldn't exist today if it wasn't for you."

Daniel's gaze dropped to his hands and he nodded, seeming to give real weight to Jack's argument. He wasn't entirely convinced, however. "What about all the times I've put you guys at risk? Remember our mission to Simarka where I insisted Sam go along with their customs? She ended up being kidnapped and sold to Turghan. She could have been raped or even killed because I didn't want to pass up the opportunity to study their culture." Some leftover shame filled his eyes upon that memory.

"In case you don't remember, I went along with it," Jack countered.

"What about the time we visited the Nox planet and I insisted we go after Apophis? I literally got us killed that time, Jack. Then there was the time when Hathor put me under her spell. I could have put the whole planet at risk there."

"Daniel, that Goa'uld bewitched _all_ of us, not just you!"

"But I felt responsible for it!" Daniel argued. Breathing a sigh in frustration at his past actions, he continued, "And don't forget how I most recently put you guys in danger when Shyla got me addicted to the sarcophagus. I left you to toil in the mines while she wined and dined me." That recollection made him blush faintly. He then lowered his gaze and dropped his voice. "And then when we returned to Earth, I pulled the gun on you in the storage room."

Jack shook his head slightly. "Look, if we're going to play a game of 'you did' 'I did', I think you're going to lose. If I'd had my way, we still wouldn't be doing the culture exchange stuff and would have missed out on a ton of insight and knowledge about the Goa'uld. Hell, if it weren't for you, Carter and I would have frozen to death in Antarctica. Who else would have even considered the possibility of another gate here on Earth? No one! They'd have found our dead, frozen bodies ten thousand years from now when we showed up in the midst of an iceberg or something."

Daniel's silence prompted him to continue, "So before you think that you have no further purpose, think of all the lives that were saved because of you; not just me, Carter, and Teal'c, but the whole damn planet! We're not done out there. We might have knocked Apophis down a peg or two, but he's only one of a race of snakes that want to conquer us and destroy our way of life. Who knows, maybe there's one somewhere out there planning an attack on Earth right now. If you quit now, who's going to save our asses when he comes knocking?"

Daniel looked as if he was about to protest, as if Jack's vehemence surprised him. Still, Jack continued, "You're an integral member of my team, Daniel. Without you, we wouldn't be able to function. And don't give me that 'anyone can replace me' crap, because it isn't true. How many missions have we gone on where I stuck my foot in it and you quickly smoothed some ruffled feathers, potentially saving our lives?"

Jack's question earned a ghost of a smile from Daniel.

"See? You know I'm right," Jack told him.

Daniel nodded, conceding the point. "I guess I would be worrying about who would pull you out of trouble the next time you badmouth a group of indigenous people – unintentionally or not," he said, his smile becoming more visible.

Jack briefly rolled his eyes. "Well, if you stayed, you wouldn't have to worry, now would you?" He pointed a finger at Daniel.

Daniel sighed, sounding a bit tired. "Okay, Jack, I'll think about it."

Jack looked at him and decided there wasn't much more to say. He'd done about all the convincing he could do and Daniel now had to make the decision on his own. He rose from the couch and made his way to the door, Daniel following.

"You'd damn well better not quit on us," Jack said quietly, turning around to meet Daniel's gaze one last time. "We need you. You still have a purpose, whether you can see it or not. You'd better think about that."

With that, he slipped out the door and turned up his collar again, leaving his friend to wrestle with the truths he'd dropped in his wake.


	4. Chapter 4

Note: Sorry I took so long with this chapter. Work has had me very busy, plus I was working on several other stories at the same time. Thanks to those who are sticking with it nevertheless, though. I appreciate your comments and I will get the next chapter done as soon as I can.

* * *

Chapter 4

Having emerged from the shower and dried himself off, Daniel stood in front of the bathroom mirror and gave his hair a final towel rub. His day had consisted of doing the laundry, paying some bills, and reviewing some new issues of archaeological journals with which he hadn't found time to keep up-to-date ... a busy day that had failed to keep his mind from running in circles around the question of whether to resign or not. He'd been hoping the hot pounding water would help him relax but if anything he was more tense than before.

Sighing, he paused at the mirror and ran a hand through his hair. It was sticking up every which way, seeming to mock the tangled confusion of his thoughts. Grabbing the blow dryer, he aimed it at his head and turned it on. Fingering the now dry strands, he smoothed them into his customary style, noting how the trim he got before returning to Abydos had left it a tad shorter than he'd liked. Oh, well, it would grow back. At least if he resigned, he wouldn't have to put up with Jack constantly nagging him to get it cut.

He pulled on a white t-shirt to go with his black sweat pants and brushed his teeth. Heading for his bedroom, he flopped down on top of the bed. He stared up at the ceiling and groaned, knowing it was going to be another sleepless night. It had been a day since Sam and Jack had visited, and they'd each left him with some heavy thoughts weighing on his mind. The previous night, he'd agonized over the decision and hardly got any sleep. The same thing was bound to happen tonight.

If he was going to get any sleep, he'd have to do something to take his mind off it. Yes, it wasn't a good idea to put off such an important decision, but it was eating him up inside and he needed just a few moments of peace from it.

Rising again, he made his way out to the living room. The hard wood flooring was cool beneath his bare feet, reminding him nothing of the cool desert sands of Abydos at night... or so he tried to tell himself.

He definitely needed distracting.

Grabbing up the remote for the TV, he sank onto his couch and curled his feet up under him. A little mindless, thought-numbing surfing should help knock him out. He'd always wondered what Sha're's reaction to TV might be; the 'magic' of stories you could see as well as hear...

The news channel was reporting on a violent demonstration in the West Bank.

CLICK! Definitely not something he wished Sha're had ever seen.

He ended up with some old reruns of American Bandstand from the late '70s. Snickering at some of the cheesy fashions and dance moves of the day, he was suddenly reminded of how important it had been back then to be 'cool' and fit in' ... and how impossible that had been for a gawky, gangly fifteen-year-old senior who wasn't into sports. Chuckling now, he was glad he'd never really fit in. His failure to do so had hurt at the time but, in retrospect, had also made him a stronger individual. He didn't need others' approval to know what he wanted from life. It didn't take long for him to completely zone out; and, half-an-hour later, his exhaustion finally got the better of him.

* * *

Daniel opened his eyes and lifted an arm to wipe the sweat from his brow. A glance at the shadows told him it was nearing noon and he'd only managed to grind one small handful of grain. There was more flour on his hands and robes than there was in the bowl beneath the quern. How was it Sha're made this look so easy?

Hearing familiar laughter, he glanced to his left where his wife was just finishing her grinding for the day. "Age should put the white of wisdom in your hair, Good Husband," she grinned even as she gathered her tools and prepared to stand, "not flour!"

"I ... ah ..." Boy, was he embarrassed.

Suddenly hearing footsteps, he turned to find Sam standing in back of him. He noticed she had forgone her BDU's for Abydonian robes on his advice that they'd be more comfortable to wear in the hot suns and warm sands of the planet. She was gesturing at his hair with a teasing grin. "Yeah, Daniel, I'd say you're a little too young to start going gray just yet!"

He turned up a corner of his mouth in response to his friend's good-natured quip. Sha're offered her a bright smile as Sam moved past her, making for the kiln in the far corner of the room. "Is it done?" his wife asked with barely contained excitement.

"'Should be," Sam answered and bent to retrieve whatever it was she had baking. Using a large wooden paddle, she carefully removed a deep-sided pan from the oven. Inside was a strange, black half-sphere covered with wires and crystals. Setting the pan on the warm sands in front of Daniel and Sha're, Sam reached down to flip a switch. The device immediately began to hum.

Kneeling, Sha're studied the device and her face lit up. She hugged Sam and congratulated her. "This is truly wonderful, Samantha," she said. "This may help defeat the demons, and I pray it will help find Skaara and return him to us."

Sam nodded with a smile. They spoke and laughed as if they were long time friends. Daniel found love and renewed hope in Sha're's face. His gaze shifted to Sam, her eyes radiating accomplishment and a deep fondness for Daniel himself.

Daniel gazed from one woman to the other, and . . .

. . . woke up with a start to a starkly contrasting scene: his living room, lit only by the glow of the television, which was now showing some stupid infomercial – something about a microwave tray that magically defrosts meat. Blinking once more, he lazily grabbed the remote and turned it off.

Darkness surrounded him as the TV fell silent. The sound of distant traffic grounded him in the here and now as he contemplated the illusive tendrils of dream that still remained. The heavy feel of the stone in his hands as he meticulously worked the course yufeta grains at the quern, the sound of mano and matate scraping against each other and the smell of baking bread was so real he could almost taste it...

He'd felt no surprise when Sam appeared to extract her device from the beehive oven he'd built for his wife. It had felt normal and right that the two women should be friends, even though he knew they'd met only in passing. Sha're had been shy at first with the strange woman, whose hair and skin was lighter even than his, and stayed close to Daniel until time to prepare the evening meal.

If only he'd taken the time to introduce the two more closely! Someone else could have... but no. Sha're would not have surrendered her duties to oversee the meal preparation to anyone else unless he ordered it, and he wasn't in the habit of 'ordering' her to do anything despite his father-in-law's strictures that he was 'spoiling' her.

She and Sam were similar in that way: both independent, strong women with a sense of duty and responsibility they took pride in; passionate in their beliefs and desire to learn the truth. Sha're had astounded him with her rapid grasp of written language and the import of all that had been kept from her people for so long. He'd seen the same fire in Sam's eyes whenever she was struggling to understand some new Goa'uld device they'd discovered. And yet... they were so different as well: Sha're, small and dark, her gentle nature hiding the strength within - Sam, small and light, her strength hiding the gentle nature she feared to show lest someone think her weak. Both were intelligent and passionate and - yes - if fate had allowed, he had little doubt in his mind the two would have been close friends.

He suddenly knew he wasn't going to resign. Sha're would not want him to. Resigning would mean turning his back on all her people had fought against, all they'd fought to achieve since they'd dared throw off the yoke of Goa'uld slavery. Ra was not the only snake out there. They knew that now. What would happen to Abydos if Apophis ever decided to claim it as his own? They'd thrown off one false god, yes, but Daniel had no illusions. The Goa'uld could take the world back anytime they wanted, just as they could destroy Earth if they really wanted; it simply wasn't worth the effort - for now.

And Skaara was still out there. It was bad enough he'd failed Sha're; could he just turn his back on her brother? On _his_ brother? He'd never had much of a family before Abydos. He'd learned quickly not to form deep attachments in foster care, but when he married Sha're it was different. He became an irrevocable part of her family; her death didn't change that.

And then there was Sam...

She was the real stumbling block here, pulling him in two directions at once.

Yes, now by most conventional standards, he was free - but his feelings for Sam had started a long time ago. He'd crossed an invisible line somewhere sometime and... he couldn't go back. Right or wrong, he'd given her a piece of his heart. If he resigned, he'd be leaving her. Daniel didn't know if he could handle that. Was his desire to avoid going through the gate and reminding himself of how badly he failed Sha're strong enough to overcome the void he was sure to experience from not having Sam in his life?

It wasn't a pain he could willingly choose to bear. Not now. Not yet.

Decision made, there was no more room for second-guessing. Sighing, he rose from the couch with a determined resolve and returned to his bedroom. He lay down on his bed, quickly running through what he had to do over the next few days in his mind. Within minutes, he'd fallen asleep, a peaceful smile on his face.

* * *

Sitting in her dimly lit lab, Sam sighed heavily. She was studying an analysis of some soil samples SG-11 had brought back. Her preoccupation didn't allow her to get very far; it was 1100 hours and she was only on page two of thirty-six. She couldn't stop thinking of Daniel. Jack had told her yesterday that he'd visited Daniel the night before but he didn't say very much about the outcome. Judging by his quiet, somewhat deflated demeanor, Sam assumed he hadn't been very successful in convincing the archaeologist not to resign. She hoped in her heart of hearts that Daniel would reconsider; never seeing him again was not a thought she could entertain.

There was however something that weighed even more heavily on her mind: the fact that her father had cancer.

Her thoughts about her father and Daniel made it impossible for her to concentrate. She needed to talk to someone, to get a few things off her chest. Rising from her desk, she left the room and headed for the infirmary.

* * *

Dr. Janet Fraiser was busy tidying up some folders that had been cluttering her desk. She was normally a very meticulous person, preferring to keep things spotless, but they'd had an overload of patients recently and she hadn't taken the time to straighten up. She began returning the folders to their rightful locations. Opening the top one, she found it was Daniel's file. Her thoughts quickly flashed back to the archaeologist and all he'd been through over the last couple of weeks. She hoped this time off was doing him some good. Sighing, she put the folder away and returned to her desk.

There was a pile of mail sitting in her 'In' box too, demanding her belated attention. With a sigh, she sat down at her desk and began going through it, deciding what to keep and what to chuck. She was always surprised at the amount of junk mail she got even at a top secret military base!

A knock on her office door pulled her from her thoughts and she glanced up to find Sam standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Sam," Janet smiled readily. Visiting with her friend was definitely more appealing than dealing with the mail.

"Hey," Sam returned, trying to manage a smile of her own but not succeeding. "I was wondering if I could talk to you about something."

Uh oh, Janet didn't like that look. Something was wrong. "Sure," she replied, gesturing for Sam to sit down. The other woman entered and sat heavily on one of the chairs. Janet waited for a long moment but Sam merely frowned into middle distance, obviously wrestling with her thoughts. She needed a little prompt. "So, what's up?" she asked with forced nonchalance.

Sam glanced up with worried blue-gray eyes. "Could you give me some information about Lymphoma? I'd especially like to know what the prognosis is."

Janet regarded her curiously for a moment. "Well, it's a cancer that affects the lymphatic system, which is part of the immune system. There are two types: Non-Hodgkin's and Hodgkin's Lymphoma, the first being the most common. It can start in the lymph nodes, in a specialized lymphatic organ like the spleen, or in lymph tissue found in organs such as the stomach or intestines."

Sam nodded. Janet knew she must have been doing her research, which meant this wasn't a casual question.

"As far as the prognosis goes, about thirty to sixty percent of those with aggressive forms of the disease can be cured. It really depends on how far the cancer has spread and how early it is detected."

Appearing frustrated, Sam shook her head. Janet was clearly giving her nothing she didn't already know.

Janet frowned. "Why do you want to know?" She knew perfectly well Sam wasn't sick – and she certainly didn't have lymphoma!

Sam swallowed and dropped her gaze. "My father has it it," she explained quietly. "He was at the reception that I, Colonel O'Neill, and General Hammond attended in Washington. He told me," she spoke softly.

Janet's heart immediately went out to the other woman. "I'm so sorry, Sam," she offered sincerely. "How long ago was he diagnosed?"

"I don't know," she shook her head, obviously fighting back deep emotion. "The way he was talking, it didn't sound good. He acted like he wouldn't be around much longer."

Janet laid a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I don't know if I'll even get to see him again before ... He just walked out on me," she continued, her voice wavering as her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I don't know what I can do." Biting her lip, she lowered her head.

Realizing how hard Sam was trying to keep her emotions under control, Janet gathered her into a hug. She felt Sam's body shuddering as she began to cry. "I just ... I have so many things on my mind. I'm finding it so hard to work."

Janet patted her on the back. She knew Sam had been through a lot recently, but she hadn't realized just how much ... and how it was taking its toll on her.

Sniffling, Sam straightened up and eased slightly out of her embrace. "I'm sorry for falling apart like that."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Sam," Janet replied. No, she certainly did not. Being one of her closest friends, Janet was also a shoulder for Sam to cry on. After the most recent, harrowing events in which she'd been involved, Sam was entitled to a good cry: the trip to Washington and discovery of her father's condition, the mission to Abydos in which Sha're was killed ...

Looking into Sam's suddenly uncomfortable face made Janet realize there was more to this than she thought. "That's not all that's bothering you, is it?"

Sam tensed slightly. "No. The situation with Daniel is making it a lot worse."

Janet frowned in concern. "How so?" she asked simply.

"Janet, he wants to resign," Sam cried in exasperation.

Janet's eyes widened. "What?" This certainly was news to her.

"I visited him a few days ago and found him typing a letter of resignation. He said he joined SG-1 to find Sha're and bring her back. He thinks he no longer has a reason to stay."

Janet slowly nodded in understanding, even though she was still pretty surprised. "I guess I can see why he would say that. He seemed very devoted to his wife."

"I asked him to reconsider. He said he'd think about it, but I don't know what the outcome will be and, to tell you the truth, I'm afraid of it," Sam continued softly.

Turning, she picked up a pen lying on Janet's desk and nervously fingered the cap. Throwing it down in frustration, she exclaimed, "Damn it, he can't leave me - us!"

Janet lifted an eyebrow in response to her friend's little outburst."Sam?" she questioned.

Sam blushed and her gaze dropped to her hands. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"Why?" Janet asked. "Are you afraid that Daniel's predicament is affecting you more than it should?" A military officer herself, Janet was well aware of the importance of adhering to interpersonal relationship rules amongst team members, whether they were military or not.

Sam looked back up at her. "No ... yes ... I don't know." The range of emotions dancing across her face did more to reveal Sam's inner conflict more than mere words could.

'A-ha', Janet thought, finally putting two and two together. "Sam, are you in love with Daniel?"

Appearing almost embarrassed, Sam avoided the doctor's gaze and nodded. "Yes," she breathed.

Janet's eyes filled with sympathy. Given the situation with her father, Janet knew the question about Daniel's possible resignation would only be making Sam's emotional upheaval that much worse.

"I love him," she admitted in a barely audible whisper. "I ... I have for a long time, even when he was still married to Sha're. I ... I just didn't know it. And now she's dead and..." She closed her eyes in shame and bowed her head. "I can't believe I let myself fall in love with a married man."

Janet shook her head in empathic understanding. "You can't control an emotion like love, Sam," she told the other woman gently. "What about Daniel? How does he feel, do you even know?"

"When he joined me for that night out with Meri and her fiancé last year, he told me he loved me as a friend, but on a deeper level. He didn't feel ashamed about that night because he thought Sha're would want him to enjoy life and be with people he loved instead of pining for her all the time. He let me help him through those hallucinations he had of Hathor. Our relationship progressed from friends to just about 'more than friends' – and he didn't have any objections."

Janet nodded, remembering the incident and how it seemed to bring Sam and Daniel closer. "I think you and Daniel need to have a talk about this. If he feels the same, you're going to have to discuss where things stand between you and if they'd present a problem with you being on the same team."

Sam nodded. "I know." Attempting to force herself back to some semblance of normalcy, she offered Janet a watery smile. "Well, I guess I'd better get back to my lab. I have to finish the analysis of those soil samples SG-11 brought back. Thanks for listening, Janet."

The petite doctor gave Sam another hug. "Anytime, Sam. I'm always here to talk if you need it."

Sam offered her a weary but grateful smile. Nothing had really been solved, Janet knew; but she also knew Sam had managed to put it all back into perspective again. She'd be okay. With a little nod, the captain turned and left the infirmary. Sighing, Janet turned and offered her mail a frustrated frown.


End file.
